Soap is not a condiment
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
