I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
