I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
