that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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