I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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