I think my fart just growled at me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you.
Bad choice
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