And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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