Life is so much better after having sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
