Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
