i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
