My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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