when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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