My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
