my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
