We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
