You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
