I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
