She's JV to your varsity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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