So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
