I'm so fucking centered right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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