you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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