Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
