ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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