i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
