I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
