I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pants are for mortals
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
