Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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