I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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