I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My first STD was from a foam party
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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