Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you would pick up someone in the library
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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