When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
