its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
