Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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