she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
