Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
