Can Purell be used as lube?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
