He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
