Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
