Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
be right there i have to get my cape
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
