I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
