I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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