I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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