YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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