you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
