I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
