he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
