So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
