If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
