My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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