it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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