perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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