dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
